Breaking the mold of the good girlfriend, the good wife, the woman as she is expected to be in a heteronormative society, has been among the most satisfying feelings in my life: not while I was doing it, because gosh, it's been tough at times, but realizing that I took those steps to make room for the me that I really am... wow, that's priceless. Thank you for this beautiful post.
Wow, beautifully capture. This touched me. I can remember the immense pressure of the GCSEs, the degree, the man, the marriage and then the child(ren). We work at that happiness every day but it is not the fairytale that has been driven at us for centuries. Thank you for sharing.
This was such a relatable read. I entered my first relationship at 30, before that I had never even kissed anyone, which many people just could not understand. There wasn’t a specific reason for it. I wanted it, it just never happened. Society definitely makes you feel like there’s something seriously wrong with you. I definitely spent my teens and twenties fantasising about what it would be like if I did meet someone. It would be fireworks and this all-consuming kind of love and we would be all over each other all the time. Well, I’m in a wonderful and healthy relationship now, but that’s not what happened 😅 I found someone who was on the same page as me about many fundamental things, we liked each other, and we built a relationship based on love, respect and trust. When I was younger I assumed me and my future boyfriend wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other, but when you’re in your thirties and you both have fulltime jobs and there’s so much going on, sex definitely needs to be scheduled sometimes haha. I’m now in a heteronormative relationship but we don’t want children, and even though my friends have knows this about me for years and they don’t comment on it, I noticed that especially with older family members they just assume we will take that step eventually.
There are so many versions of this eh, ways that many of us don't fit the mould. Like you're 'never been kissed' example. Maybe if we talk about the outlying experiences more, people will slowly become more tolerant of difference? Here's hoping anyway. Thank you for sharing your own experience.
Exactly! And there’s soooo many people who don’t fit that mould. In fact I went on a radio show once to talk about the fact that I was in my late twenties and I had never had sex. Apparently that was newsworthy haha but they had found a piece I’d written and they thought it was a good topic to discuss. Turns out it was, because so many people called in and messaged to say they related but they had never told anyone! Apparently it got an unusual amount of reactions. So there’s clearly so many people who just don’t feel like they can even share their experiences because society just assumes everyone has the ‘standard’ experience.
Love this Emma, so much of that "chasing the right one" resonates with me. The reality of my relationship has been an uphill learning curve - no one taught me how it could be... happiness? I'm still working that one out. Unlearning, as you say ...x
Breaking the mold of the good girlfriend, the good wife, the woman as she is expected to be in a heteronormative society, has been among the most satisfying feelings in my life: not while I was doing it, because gosh, it's been tough at times, but realizing that I took those steps to make room for the me that I really am... wow, that's priceless. Thank you for this beautiful post.
Reading this comment brought me a lot of joy.
💙
Wow, beautifully capture. This touched me. I can remember the immense pressure of the GCSEs, the degree, the man, the marriage and then the child(ren). We work at that happiness every day but it is not the fairytale that has been driven at us for centuries. Thank you for sharing.
It certainly isn't. And we all have to find out the hard way eh! Glad it resonated.
This was such a relatable read. I entered my first relationship at 30, before that I had never even kissed anyone, which many people just could not understand. There wasn’t a specific reason for it. I wanted it, it just never happened. Society definitely makes you feel like there’s something seriously wrong with you. I definitely spent my teens and twenties fantasising about what it would be like if I did meet someone. It would be fireworks and this all-consuming kind of love and we would be all over each other all the time. Well, I’m in a wonderful and healthy relationship now, but that’s not what happened 😅 I found someone who was on the same page as me about many fundamental things, we liked each other, and we built a relationship based on love, respect and trust. When I was younger I assumed me and my future boyfriend wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other, but when you’re in your thirties and you both have fulltime jobs and there’s so much going on, sex definitely needs to be scheduled sometimes haha. I’m now in a heteronormative relationship but we don’t want children, and even though my friends have knows this about me for years and they don’t comment on it, I noticed that especially with older family members they just assume we will take that step eventually.
There are so many versions of this eh, ways that many of us don't fit the mould. Like you're 'never been kissed' example. Maybe if we talk about the outlying experiences more, people will slowly become more tolerant of difference? Here's hoping anyway. Thank you for sharing your own experience.
Exactly! And there’s soooo many people who don’t fit that mould. In fact I went on a radio show once to talk about the fact that I was in my late twenties and I had never had sex. Apparently that was newsworthy haha but they had found a piece I’d written and they thought it was a good topic to discuss. Turns out it was, because so many people called in and messaged to say they related but they had never told anyone! Apparently it got an unusual amount of reactions. So there’s clearly so many people who just don’t feel like they can even share their experiences because society just assumes everyone has the ‘standard’ experience.
God that’s funny that they felt it was newsworthy. That’s great that it got people sharing though. So many of us hiding in plain sight eh.
Love this Emma, so much of that "chasing the right one" resonates with me. The reality of my relationship has been an uphill learning curve - no one taught me how it could be... happiness? I'm still working that one out. Unlearning, as you say ...x
Thank you. Glad it resonates. I think it'll probably be a life-long learning journey wont it!